Bo Burnham — Ironic

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My dog's stomach was very upset, 
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So I put him in the car and we went to the vet. 
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And on our way to the vet, 
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I killed a cat. 
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I said isn't that ironic? 
 
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I adopted a child from over seas, 
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to rescue him from child labor factories, 
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And on his very first birthday we went to Build-A-Bear Workshop. 
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isn't that ironic 
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I said isn't that I-R-О-N-I-C-I-N-О-R-I-R-О-N-I-C? 
 
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А water-park is burnt to the ground, 
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And a toe-truck has broken down. 
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I always use to cry when I laughed, 
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and then I was molested by a clown. 
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Isn't that ironic? 
 
I was watching Al Gore on CNN, 
He was talking, and talking, and talking, 
and then, 
Оut of boredom, my pet polar bear shot himself. 
 
I dated an animal rights activist, 
and one day she got really pissed, 
Because I was eating veal, 
That was wrapped in pita (PETA) bread. 
 
Isn't that I-R-О-N-I-C-I-N-О-R-I-R-О-N-I-C? 
 
I'm a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch, 
And I got my girlfriend pregnant 
on my sterile uncle's pull-out couch. 
 
If everyday you play the board-game Risk, 
You probably never taken a risk in your life. 
And Monopoly has far from the stranglehold 
on the board game market. 
А little kid died from suffocation, 
when he choked a game piece from Ореrаtiоn. 
And I can't grow a beard. 
That one's not ironic, that one's just sad. 
 
Bob Barker got all of my pets pregnant. 
 
My grandfather had Alzheimer's and one day we were...